


maybe i'm waking up today

by juggyjones



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, Minor Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Minor Octavia Blake/Lincoln, becho is prominent, minor Raven Reyes/Zeke Shaw, this is definitely a bellarke fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 18:30:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15125378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juggyjones/pseuds/juggyjones
Summary: “There was nothing between us.”Even if Raven did notice how her voice cracking at the last word, she didn’t say anything.Clarke didn’t know what to think.





	maybe i'm waking up today

**Author's Note:**

> yesterday, i found this years-old fic, tweaked it a little to fit the new canon, and here we are!

It began when they were kids. They were inseparable – same preschool, same elementary school and same high school. You asked for one, you’d count on the other coming as a bonus. Tearing them apart—unless you were the cruel person behind the time schedule—was impossible.

In high school, they were referred to as ‘Clarke and Bellamy’. If someone said only one name, people would think of other Clarke or other Bellamy.

Some thought they were dating. Clarke and Bellamy would laugh at it. ‘There’s no way that could happen,’ they would say and people would believe them. They lived in a world they created together and it would take an earthquake to wreck it.

It came in junior year of high school.

Bellamy moved to Polis while Clarke remained in Arkadia. It was the first time they were apart for good; Bellamy gained new friends, while she maintained old friendships. Not a lot changed.

At one point, they fought. Hectic schedules and expensive bus tickets kept them from meeting for months; when Bellamy came back for New Year’s, he was gone by the end of the next day. He missed her birthday party and didn’t invite her to his.

When he was in town in April, he didn’t tell her – she found out from another friend. She confronted him about it. He didn’t have time to meet her. Next time they spoke, it was June and he told her he was coming back.

He didn’t like Polis anymore. It wasn’t because he missed Clarke, or maybe it was.

Most of the week, they had the same free periods. Sometimes, they’d go and get coffee in the cafeteria or sit in the library, if they had homework to do. That day, they did.

“I need to get to maths earlier,” said Bellamy.

“Okay. Still no for after school?”

“Yeah.” Bellamy stood up. He made a few steps, before turning around. “You're going to be with Lincoln?”

Clarke nodded at him, he smiled at her and left. She watched him turn around the corner, fixing the straps on his grey backpack.

Several minutes later came Lincoln. The two of them had been working on the theory of art for a while, when Lincoln got a call from Octavia—his girlfriend and Bellamy’s sister—and Raven joined them, smiling.

“Why didn't you come to the café on Friday?” she asked. “Murphy was playing.”

“I didn’t have who to go with. I didn’t want to bother you and Zeke, and neither Wells nor Gina could go.”

“I thought you were going with Bellamy.”

“He cancelled. He had to go his grandma’s birthday party.”

“Oh.”

Raven, Clarke and Lincoln stayed in the library until the end of the period, then went to history together. Raven told her more about the music competition and Clarke felt bad about not having gone, but she couldn’t blame Bellamy.

It’s family before everything else.

 

* * *

 

 

It was Friday, and Clarke and Bellamy went to McDonald's after school. Bellamy ordered a Chicken Burger and Clarke ordered a McNuggets menu. It was their first time at McDonald's since he came back and the absence of extra fries on his never-changing order was something she noticed and ignored.

The burger crunched in Bellamy’s mouth. The phone on the table vibrated and he glanced at it, then put it into his pocket.

Clarke raised her eyebrows.

“Raven’s waving at you,” said Bellamy.

Clarke turned around and saw the brunette smiling widely, waving. She waved back. When she brought her attention to Bellamy, the burger was on the tray in front of him, half-eaten.

“I need to tell you something,” said Bellamy.

“Okay.”

“It wasn’t my grandma’s birthday on Saturday. I went back to Polis.”

Clarke’s fingers pushed fries into her mouth as if winded up. In, chew, swallow. In, chew, swallow.

“Remember Echo? It was her birthday.”

In, chew, swallow.

She nodded, slowly; Echo was Bellamy’s best friend back in Polis and he’d introduced her to Clarke few months ago, the one time she visited him while on a trip to the doctor’s. He never spoke much of his friends from the junior year. She didn’t even think they were close enough for him to travel for hours to her birthday party.

He stopped looking at her. Bellamy smiled briefly; she assumed it was at Raven. But his face seemed distant and he didn’t look at Clarke again.

“She got really drunk,” said Bellamy. His voice was slow, as if he picked the words carefully; he probably did. “There was about twenty people at the party, so I took her out to get some air. She kissed me.”

Bellamy looked at her. There were questions in his eyes, ones she couldn't decipher.

Clarke looked at him. Her heart was beating fast.

“Okay.”

“She told me she loved me,” said Bellamy. “I said it back.”

“Do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Love her.”

“I don’t know. I think I do.”

Clarke nodded. She picked up a nugget and ate it. She took a sip of coke. She pushed several fries into her mouth. She didn’t move her eyes off of Bellamy’s.

“Okay,” said Clarke. “What's your next move?”

“I don’t know.”

“Jesus, Bellamy – you don’t tell someone you love them and then expect nothing will change.”

“You never told anyone you loved them.”

“I don’t love anyone. That doesn’t mean I haven’t got half a mind to know how relationships and I-love-you’s work.”

Bellamy sighed. He bit into his burger, following it with a sip of coke. “Fine. What do I do?”

“Ask her out. Or probably ask her if she remembers. That should be your first move.” Clarke tilted her head to the side. “Have you talked to her since Saturday?”

“No.”

“Do you usually talk to her?”

“Yeah.”

“She remembers. Text her.”

Bellamy texted Echo with Clarke’s help. It was a bad idea to ask someone out through a text but as they lived in different places, this was the best way.

It was almost winter and it was already dark at five o’clock. After sending the text, they hadn’t talked much about what happened, or about anything at all.

They were never quiet.

“Why did you lie to me?”

“I didn't know how you’d react. I never talk about my friends from Polis.”

“I know that, Bellamy. Why?”

He placed his head on his hands and looked through the window. “I didn’t want her to worry.”

“Her?”

“You,” said Bellamy. “I didn’t want  _you_  to worry.”

She almost laughed; almost. “They are your friends. Why would I worry?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you know anything?”

“See, this is why.” Bellamy looked at her and for some reason, that look hurt more than anything he’d said that day. “You’re sensitive.”

“I get to be sensitive when my best friend is lying to me.”

“I’m your only friend.”

Clarke blinked at him and leaned backwards in her chair.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Okay,” said Clarke quietly. “I get it. You have another best friend and a whole other life you never told me about. But you’re not my only friend, you’re my only  _best_  friend. There’s a difference. What do you think I did during junior year, stare out of my window pathetically until you decided you were coming back?”

“I know you didn’t. You hate  _Twilight_.”

“Do not change the topic. You could’ve told me you felt something for Echo.”

“I didn't think I have to.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know if I loved someone?”

“Clarke, I’m not sure I love her.”

“You told her you do. That’s the only thing that matters to her at the moment. If you don’t realize that, you’re a piece of shit.”

“Stop being like this.”

“I’m sorry. Actually, I’m not.” She straightened her back. “You’ve been acting weird ever since you came back.”

“I changed, princess.”

“I wish you didn’t.”

Next time they spoke, Bellamy tracked her down at school nearly a month later and told her he and Echo were now dating. She congratulated them and the two were back on speaking terms, but it took them a while to become as close as they had been before.

 

* * *

 

 

About two years later, Clarke had a several months-long thing with a guy and it was only after they broke up that she realized she was pregnant. Little Madi was born unbeknownst to Finn and was raised by Clarke, her family and Bellamy.

As Clarke and Bellamy moved to Polis at the same time and bought apartments only few minutes’ walk from one another, people often mistook them for young parents. They laughed at it, just as they laughed when people in high school thought they were dating.

Echo spent a lot of time with them, too. She lived with Bellamy and would often come by to Clarke’s place, but the two girls weren’t fond of one another.

“It’s because a lot of people think I’m Madi’s dad,” said Bellamy to Clarke one time.

“I’m sorry,” replied Clarke. “I didn't think she could call you Dad. She must’ve heard other kids saying it.”

Bellamy laughed. “It’s all right. I don’t mind.”

“You don’t?”

“Well, I do think I’m more of an uncle to her than a dad, but she’s still like my own.”

“Okay.”

“Look – she needs a guy in her life. A father figure.”

“She’s got you.”

“I’m not talking about me, princess. You should find someone.”

If Bellamy genuinely thought her finding a guy she’d deem good for both herself and her daughter was possible, she didn’t find out. He never mentioned it again and she didn’t find anyone.

Bellamy remained Madi’s father figure, but Clarke raised her to call him Uncle Bellamy, not Dad. Between the four of them, Echo was the happiest by this turn of events.

 

* * *

 

 

When Madi was three, Bellamy proposed to Echo. Clarke didn’t know until it was official.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” he told her. “I had Murphy and Zeke, they helped me do it.”

“Okay.”

Later that month, Raven visited her. She brought along her little boy, Ethan, who was only a year younger than Madi.

The two moms sat at the table, watching their children play.

“Zeke told me Bellamy proposed.”

“Yeah.”

“How’d you feel about it?”

Clarke looked at her. Nobody asked her that. “Okay.”

“Weren’t you two dating before?”

“No.”

“Oh. I owe Zeke fifty bucks, then.”

“Why?”

“We made a bet. I said you and Bellamy were going to get together, eventually.”

“Why?”

Madi brought her a drawing with four figures – Madi and Mom, and Uncle Bellamy and Auntie Echo.

Clarke never felt anything like that for Bellamy. Raven, of all people, should’ve known that – she was the closest to her when Bellamy was in Polis.

Raven shrugged, but a smile tugged at the corners of her lips. “You always looked at him differently.”

“I didn’t.”

“You did,” said Raven. “You two always looked so close, your hands were always touching. Friends don’t walk like that.”

“But we were friends. We’ve always been just friends.”

“I guess.” Raven shrugged again. “I wasn’t the only one who noticed these things. Everybody thought there was chemistry. Jasper and Monty organized a bet, pretty sure they’re going to ask for updates during reunion.”

“There was nothing between us.”

Even if Raven did notice how her voice cracking at the last word, she didn’t say anything.

Clarke didn’t know what to think.

 

* * *

 

 

In May next year, when Bellamy was fed up with the fact the two women he was closest to didn’t get along, he sent them to do something together. He went to Raven and Zeke’s so Madi could play with Ethan.

Clarke wasn’t friends with Echo. They never clicked and while Echo was pretty and smart, she simply couldn’t see why Bellamy would choose someone so plain as her.

She always expected Bellamy to get married to someone a little eccentric – someone similar to him. Echo was the complete opposite.

“Where do you want to go?” asked Echo. They had just left Bellamy and Madi at Zeke’s family farm, a little outside Arkadia.

“I don’t know.” Clarke's eyes fell onto the prospect in her best friend’s fiancée’s hands. “You like car races?”

“A bit.”

“Do you want to race?”

“We’re in the middle of a field.”

“Doesn’t matter if you’ve got a car that can survive it.”

Echo looked at her in wonder. “I didn’t know you raced.”

“I used to,” said Clarke. “Before Madi.”

“Yeah. It’s a pretty dangerous sport for a mother.”

The two ended up sitting each in her own car a minute later. It was all good until Clarke decided to take a sharp turn to get to the goal faster about fifteen minutes later and her car fell into a ditch. When she gave Echo a call, she came to know she drove directly into a barn.

They couldn’t call Bellamy. Octavia picked them up.

Next day, when Bellamy came back from Arkadia and left Madi at home, he wasn’t mad – but he wasn’t happy, either.

“Your plan failed,” Clarke told him. “I still don’t like her.”

“You used to like her when we were younger.”

“I didn’t. I’m sorry.”

“I thought you did.”

She watched Bellamy’s face fall when she shook her head. Clarke went to Madi’s room for a few minutes and came back once she was asleep.

Bellamy was sitting on her couch, staring at the television. Some old series was playing; something they used to watch together when they were younger.

Clarke plopped down on the couch, right next to him.

“I didn’t think I’d crash my car.”

“I know.” Bellamy looked at her. “Do you even have the money for a new one?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t.”

“I’m going to ask my parents to lend me some, or take a loan.”

“Let me buy you one. I have enough money.”

“Bellamy, no. I’m going to figure this out alone. You have other things to worry about.”

“I’ve got you and Madi to worry about.”

“You don’t have to worry about us.”

“Of course I do. You’re family.”

Clarke stared at him for a long moment. “I’m your best friend and she’s the daughter of your best friend. That doesn’t make us family.”

“Clarke—”

“No,” said Clarke. “Worry about Echo. Worry about your wedding. You have a future wife to worry about and future family to worry about.”

“Clarke, please—”

“Bellamy. I can do this on my own.”

He walked to the door, when he turned around. “You never liked her.”

“I didn’t.”

“Why did you say you did?”

“Why did you lie to me about going to her birthday party?”

Bellamy understood. He nodded and left.

Clarke slept on the couch that night. She thought if she could keep the illusion she wasn’t all alone, maybe she wouldn’t feel so incapable of anything – so useless.

Madi needed a dad. The problem was that only person who could be the dad she deserves was getting married in less than a month.

 

* * *

 

One week before the wedding, Bellamy and Echo went to the church and the restaurant to make sure everything was ready. They practiced the ceremony on Echo's request and the most important guests were invited, but neither Clarke nor Madi came.

Bellamy came over to her place the night after. He was a little drunk and Murphy, who drove him there, was tipsy.

“You didn’t come to the ceremony.”

Bellamy stood at the doorway, staring at her with hurt in his eyes.

“I don’t see the point of it. It’s like you’re rehearsing your marriage.”

“Echo wanted it.”

“I don’t give a crap about what Echo wanted.”

“She wanted you to come.”

“Okay.”

Bellamy nodded. “I wanted you to come.”

“I know.”

Clarke ran a hand through his hair, fixing it so it wouldn’t fall into his eyes anymore. He smiled at her and she shook her head. He caught her hand with his fingers, holding it until she pulled it out.

“You should go home.”

“I’m not going home. We’re having a bachelor party.”

“Then why aren’t you there?”

“I wanted to see you.”

Clarke looked at Murphy. “Take him back, please. And keep an eye on him.”

Murphy nodded. He placed an arm around his friend’s shoulder, pulling him back. “Let’s go, buddy.”

Bellamy didn’t resist. When she was about to close the door, he put a hand between it and the wall.

“I miss you, princess.”

“Don’t miss me,” said Clarke. “Are you going to the concert tomorrow?”

“No. I’m spending the night with Echo’s family.”

“Okay.”

The boys left and Clarke locked the door. When she went back to her bed, she felt incredibly empty, with only Bellamy’s words echoing in her head. This wasn’t the first time he told her he missed her.

It shouldn’t have sounded like the confession of a sin.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day, Clarke dropped Madi off at her mom’s. Her mother wasn’t happy that she was going to the concert all alone, but Clarke didn’t bother listening. She needed some time off.

The concert didn’t begin until eleven and Clarke had got tipsy by ten. She made out with a couple of strangers but once she figured it was only making her nauseous, she gave up on that.

Her place for the night were the bleachers. She sat there with an unopened bottle of beer in her hand. When the band came on, she realized she didn’t even know what band was playing and only recognized some of the songs. They played mostly old rock songs. Songs Bellamy would’ve liked.

Led Zeppelin’s  _Whole Lotta Love_  was playing when someone approached her. Lexa; they went to high school together.

“Clarke, right?”

She nodded.

“How are you? You still with that guy, Bellamy?”

“We weren’t together.”

“What? I was sure you were. That’s why I never asked you out!”

Clarke laughed wholeheartedly, smiling widely at Lexa. Shee smiled back; it was a nice smile.

“Have anybody?”

“No.” She thought of Madi, then corrected herself. “A daughter.”

“What happened with her dad?”

“We broke up before she was born.”

“Ah. That sucks.” Lexa laughed at something. “Year after high school I almost got married. We realized it couldn’t work and I’m glad we did.”

“Nobody should get married at nineteen.” Or have a child, she thinks, but doesn’t say. “That’s bullshit.”

“Yeah.”

They were silent for a while, but it felt nice. She heard Lexa ask, “Isn’t that your friend?”

Clarke looked at the crowd. It didn’t take her more than a couple moments to spot him, with a beer bottle in his hand and his feet barely holding him. She excused herself and went into the pit.

Bellamy noticed her when she patted his back. He turned around and smiled widely when he saw her.

His words were a slurred mess. “Clarke! I knew you’d be here.”

“You reek of alcohol. How much did you have?”

“A lot.” Bellamy looked at the bottle in his hands, then placed it on the ground. “If you don’t want me to drink, I won’t.”

“Why aren’t you with Echo’s family?”

“I couldn’t stand them. I kept thinking about you. I had to come here. I need to talk to you, princess.”

“Don’t call me princess.”

“I need to tell you something.”

“Bell, please—”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

“You do?”

“Yes.”

He kissed her. She thought it was going to be nice and romantic, but it was clumsy and passionate.

It was wrong.

“You’re getting married in a week.”

“I know,” said Bellamy. He cupped her face. “I love you.”

“Shut up, Bellamy. Just shut up.”

“I love you. I love you.”

“You love Echo, not me.”

“No, I love you.”

“Stop saying it. You’re drunk.”

“I’ve loved you since I first met you.”

“No you didn’t, Bellamy, stop doing this.” Clarke pushed him. “Look at yourself – you’re a mess. You’re drunk and you’re not thinking straight and whatever you think you’re feeling for me, it’s not real.”

Bellamy shook his head and tried to kiss her again, but she didn’t let him. “I want Madi to call me dad. I’ve known it since the first time she called me that. Don’t you remember? It took you months to get her to stop calling me that.”

“Shut up, Bell, please.”

“No, listen.” He cupped her face again and stroke her cheeks with his thumb; she leaned into the touch against her will. “I love you, princess, and I love Madi. I love both of you. And I want Madi to call me Dad, not Uncle Bell.”

Clarke almost closed her eyes; almost. “Bellamy, shut the fuck up. You need to get a hold of yourself.”

“You’re not listening to me.”

“I am.”

“Okay. Listen to me.”

“Bellamy—”

“I don’t want to marry Echo.”

“You do. You’ve wanted to do it since you first realized you felt something for her, you romantic little shit.”

“Why don’t you say anything nice to me? Don’t you love me?”

“I do. That’s the problem.”

“How’s that a problem? We could be happy together.”

“We couldn’t, Bellamy. We’d fight and we’d argue and you know it simply couldn’t work. You and Echo are perfect for one another, the ying and the yang. You’re saying this because you’re full of excitement and emotions and alcohol and fear and not because you really mean it. Sober you would want to marry Echo.”

“No. Every me would want to marry you.”

“Please, Bell.” Clarke’s lips were salty. “I’m moving out.”

“What? Why?”

“We need to stay away from one another. We’re just screwing with our friendship and it’s hurting both of us.”

“No, I don’t want you to leave!”

“Bellamy, you’re going to have a wonderful life. You’re still young and you’re going to have a lot of kids with Echo and she’s going to be a wonderful mom and you’re going to be a wonderful dad. There’s no place for me or Madi in your life.”

“I’ll find some. Please, princess, don’t do this.”

“You see this? Look at us. We’re a mess. We should stay out of each other’s lives.”

“Clarke—”

“No, listen to me. I’m not going to the wedding. Marry her, Echo’s the right one for you and please forget about me. Please. Don’t screw this up for yourself, you don’t deserve it. Please, Bellamy.”

At last, he nodded. He kissed her, one more time, and his lips were salty. When they parted, he looked at her with a small smile. “I love you. Clarke.”

“Okay.”

Clarke turned her back to him and went back to Lexa, who was still waiting for her. When she looked at Bellamy, she saw him at the end of the pit, giving her a small wave. She watched him walk away.

“Are you okay?” asked Lexa.

No, she thought, and I may never be. But Bellamy left the concert and she was going to leave his life, and Lexa still had the nice smile on her face.

She kissed her. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! what are your thoughts on it?
> 
> as always, you can find me on tumblr as @reivenreies, and request a fic if you want to!


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